This Is Not A Halloween Tarot Reading
This is not a Halloween tarot reading. Because here in the Southern Hemisphere it’s not Halloween (Samhain). Halloween/Samhain is a seasonal celebration and because we are in a different season to our Northern friends, it is Beltane here in the South. Halloween/Samhain is a festival to honour the dead, and Beltane is a festival to honour the fertility of Spring, among other things. Kind of different, yes? If you are in the South of the globe and want to celebrate Halloween, go forth and do that on April the 30th.
But just try explaining that to the masses! It’s Halloween, dontcha know? Happy Halloween! Trick or Treat? Sigh. So, since folks in my hemisphere will continue to follow the Northern festivities whether it’s seasonally appropriate or not, here is a Halloween Inspired Reading for you crazy Southern Hemispherites who JUST WON’T LISTEN TO REASON!
It will be short and (un)sweet. I will be using morbid illustrator Edward Gorey’s terrifying Fantod Pack – BEWARE! And don’t come crying to me if it’s not the usual upbeat inspiring Tarot Reading for the Collective. You want Halloween? You got it. Bwahahahahaha.
Hello Effigy. You’re leaking!
Of course I’m leaking! I have been created by drunken teenagers ill-equipped to manage the power I bring, and now I’m going to have to find some fresh humans to plug up the leaking. Can you recommend where I can start?
Ummm. Yes I can, but I probably shouldn’t say. How about I just leave you here, and I’ll go and talk to The Ladder. Yes. The Ladder.
I’m surprised you wanted to talk with me. Most people just freak out when they see me. “Don’t walk under the ladder!” they cry, over and over.
Should they be worried?
Well, no, not in the beginning at least. But now things have changed and I am tired of their superstitious cries. They should now be VERY WORRIED! I am going to trip people up and drop down on them and make them VERY sorry they were associating me with mean and unsavoury things. Now go forth to The Feather.
The Feather? Err. I’m not sure what to say. Do you have anything to say?
Shhh. Something’s about to happen.
Shhh. Can’t say. It’s a surprise.
Why doesn’t your face move when you talk?
Shhh. Don’t spoil the surprise.
Can you give any clue as to what the surprise might be?
Try not to stand under things made of glass. Get out of my face. Go!
Arrgh! The Stones! Why are you gathered there like that?
We’ve been waiting for you. Come a bit closer.
Don’t you want to stand between us?
Not really, no.
Never mind. We can infiltrate your mind through the soil anyway. Be careful around pieces of metal and flying ducks.
So sitting ducks are okay?
Not if they’re dead.
Stones! Stop yabbering away at the human. It’s my turn now.
Hiiii Bundle. Um.
Yes. It is a bit UM isn’t it. Do you want to hear the story of how I got here?
OF COURSE I DON’T.
Fine then. Ignore me like everyone else does. You do realise though, that you are now never going to be able to erase me from your memory. I’m always going to be sitting here ominously at the end of the pier every time you close your eyes.
Heee heeeee. Bundle wundle you’re so cuuute! Hello human-thing wrapped in warm, sweet meat! Do you want to play a game with me?
Er, hello Child. Do I have a choice?
I don’t think so, meaty meat. Shall we play “Eat the human”? I played that game a long time ago with some dollies. The dollies went away into the dark place afterwards and the game kind of hurt but I’m feeling okay now. And it’s nice to be rid of all the meat.
Crap. Uh, well, I’m going to try and run away now but is there any, er, helpful nugget of wisdom you can share for the Southern Hemispherites who are intent on celebrating festivals at seasonally inappropriate times of year?
Hee heeee. They’d better make sure all the dollies are buried verrrry deep in the ground so that they don’t lose their fingers or toesies. Or their eyeballs. Byeeeee.
This Slightly-Different-Than-Usual-(Not)-Halloween-Inspired-Tarot-Reading is © Sarah Barry ~ Tarot Readings with Psychic Sarah 2015
The deck used is the Fantod Pack by Edward Gorey © 2007 The Edward Gorey Charitable Trust. Published by Pomegranate Communications, Inc. Box 808022, Petaluma CA 94975 www.pomegranate.com
Want a more uplifting tale to read? Go here.